One common question we see frequently in Parenting a Tech World, our Facebook group for digital families, is how to manage phones and tech access when kids have co-parents. Tensions arise when each parent has different rules or expectations, and this can affect communication and safety — not to mention everyone’s feelings.
We spoke with Tessa Stuckey, a licensed professional counselor, to get some advice for the many families who are dealing with these types of issues. She shared practical tips on setting boundaries, fostering healthy communication, and prioritizing kids' well-being in co-parenting situations.
7 Questions About Co-Parenting, Kids, and Technology
What are some of the biggest challenges divorced parents face when it comes to parenting and communication?
First and foremost, co-parenting through a family shift can be incredibly taxing on everyone involved. It’s important to recognize the emotional exhaustion that comes with this change so that everyone can approach the situation with grace and understanding.
One of the biggest challenges divorced parents face is letting their own relationship discord get in the way of their good intentions for their children. When unresolved conflict, resentment, or hurt feelings take center stage, it can negatively affect communication, parenting practices, and, ultimately, the child’s emotional well-being.
Instead of working as a team to support their child’s needs, parents may struggle with miscommunication, inconsistent rules across households, or even using their child as a messenger, which places unnecessary stress on them. Keeping a child-centered approach — where both parents prioritize stability, emotional security, and healthy co-parenting — is crucial for helping children thrive despite the challenges of divorce.
How can divorced parents create consistent tech rules for their child across both their households?
Because consistency is important for true tech success, it’s important for all members of the family to be on the same page through open communication and aligning on shared goals and boundaries. Even if they don’t always agree, it’s crucial to practice supportive talk and avoid minimizing the other parent's tech concerns.
Instead, they should work toward a cooperative, child-focused approach to co-parenting. A tech contract can be especially helpful in setting clear expectations around screen time, social media, and device use, ensuring consistency across both households. When parents present a united front, it helps reduce confusion for the child and reinforces healthy tech habits.
How can tech help children feel more connected to both parents after a divorce?
Tech can be a great way for kids to stay connected to both parents after a divorce. This is a great way to use tech with purpose and intention. A quick text, video call, or voice message can help them check in and feel close even when they’re not together. Location sharing can add some peace of mind, and playing games together online can be a fun way to bond. I love when tech can be used with intention to create a smooth transition between two homes helping kids feel supported by both parents.
How can divorced parents effectively share parental controls without violating privacy or creating conflict?
This is when tech monitoring software, such as Bark, is most helpful. Divorced parents can effectively share parental controls by using a monitoring system which allows both parents to stay informed about their child’s online activity without overstepping personal boundaries.
Clear agreements on what’s being monitored and why — framed with the goal of protecting their child — and help avoid conflict. Keeping the focus on the child’s well-being rather than controlling the other parent's rules is key. Setting boundaries within the co-parenting relationship and maintaining open, respectful communication can make tech safety a shared responsibility rather than a source of tension.
What should parents do if one household is more lenient with tech safety than the other?
This can be a really tough situation to navigate, and it’s understandable for parents to feel frustrated or concerned when tech rules aren’t consistent across households. The best approach is to keep communication open—both with the other parent and with the kids. Sharing goals, discussing evolving tech risks, and keeping each other informed can help bridge some of the gaps.
It’s also important to talk with kids about the different boundaries in each home so they understand expectations. Even if the rules aren’t exactly the same, maintaining open conversations about tech safety and the reasons behind the limits can help reinforce healthy habits and protect them in the long run.
How can divorced parents use technology to improve co-parenting without increasing conflict?
When using tech, the key is to keep interactions business-like and child-focused, avoiding emotionally charged discussions over text. Setting clear expectations for communication and respecting boundaries can help parents use technology as a tool for smoother co-parenting rather than a source of tension.
Co-parenting apps like OurFamilyWizard or TalkingParents can help streamline scheduling, track expenses, and keep conversations focused on logistics rather than emotions. Shared calendars and note-taking apps can also reduce miscommunication about school events, extracurriculars, and important updates.
What are some ways to talk to your child about technology in both houses?
Talking to your child about technology in both households should be an open and ongoing conversation, tailored to their age and tech use. Approach these discussions with curiosity rather than judgment, while also setting clear expectations and boundaries. If something starts to feel overwhelming or out of hand, it’s okay to step back, reassess, and create new limits—it’s all part of parenting in today’s digital world. Keeping the focus on your child’s safety and mental health can help simplify the conversation and make tech rules feel less like a battle and more like a shared effort to support their well-being.
More About Bark
Bark helps families manage their child’s digital world — from screen time and monitoring to location tracking and web blocking. We offer a variety of products that help parents protect their kids online, including the Bark Phone, the Bark Watch, the Bark app, and the Bark Home. Check out our products page to find out which one is the best fit for your family.
Bark helps families manage and protect their children’s digital lives.
