At Bark, we hear a lot of parents ask how to start their child’s tech journey off right — what rules should they have for first cell phones, tablets, school-issued devices, gaming consoles, social media, and more. But many parents also have questions about what to do as their child gets older and is getting ready to leave the nest. Usually, the tech rules for an 11-year-old are different from those of a 17-year-old. But how do families transition in a way that prepares them for adulthood while still keeping them safe?
The first thing to note is that there’s no one-size-fits-all for this approach — each family will have to go about it a little differently. But today, we’re going to go over some guidelines that will hopefully help you brainstorm some ideas your family can try.
Tech Rules to Transition Into Adulthood
Give them opportunities to practice independence and responsibility
Ideally, we all want our kids to be able to manage their screen time on their own without us having to ask (same with cleaning their room, doing their homework, etc.) But technology is slightly more challenging when you consider how much of it — smartphones, social media, video games — was intentionally created with addictive qualities. Similar to how slot machines work, each notification is a dopamine hit that keeps you coming back for more.
This means that expecting your child to easily self-regulate their screen time is simply unrealistic for many families. But there are still some things you can do to give them the tools they need to take more ownership of their technology use. Some foundational things include educating them on how technology impacts their brain, as well as modeling healthy screen time yourself.
Some families may decide to loosen tech rules as their child gets closer to adulthood. This could look something like extending more screen time during the week or around bedtime. Be prepared that this may not go very smoothly — your child may take advantage of this and choose to stay up late on their phone all night. But for some kids, allowing them to make mistakes and learn from it are the lessons that sink in the best. So if they sleep in and miss a test at school from being on their phone all night — that may go a long way in showing them the importance of regulating their screen time at night.
Consider switching from closely monitoring to spot checks
When your 11-year-old first gets a phone, it makes sense to closely monitor their online activities, including apps, contacts, and communication with friends. However, the older they get, the more important it becomes to give them a healthy level of privacy. Giving kids a level of privacy contributes toward their sense of independence and individuality. So at a certain age, some families will be ready to turn off app approval and contact approval, and switch to spot checks of their devices.
It’s a delicate balance because while a 17-year-old is almost an adult, they’re still not immune to getting into serious trouble online. If you’ve kept your child off of social media, you may consider allowing them one or two platforms with some level of supervision (Pro tip: Bark can monitor many of the major social media platforms). Or if they’re already on social media, perhaps you adjust how you monitor it to give them a little bit more privacy.
Remember to always keep the conversation going
No matter what approach you take to amending your tech rules as your child gets older, remember that open communication will be the backbone of teaching them how to be safe, responsible digital citizens. Older teens will especially be ready for more transparent, honest conversations about the risks that come with the online world. And these conversations can happen all the way up until they officially leave the nest!
You may even discuss things with your child and find that some tech rules can remain even when they turn 18. Perhaps you keep location sharing on for safety purposes or leave some screen time rules in place — some kids may even request this, knowing that they need the extra reminder to get off their devices. Either way, keeping the conversation open by explaining your personal concerns, as well as listening to how they feel can go a long way in finding what works best for your family.
Bark — The Parental Controls Designed to Grow With Your Child
At Bark, we have always believed that it’s important to have parental controls that grow with your child as they get older, or as their specific needs change. We know that each child and family is different, and each will require different guardrails to keep them safer online. That’s why Bark offers a variety of products that help parents protect their kids online, including the Bark Phone, the Bark Watch, the Bark app, and the Bark Home. Check out our products page to find out which one is the best fit for your family.
Read more
Bark helps families manage and protect their children’s digital lives.
