For many parents today, one of the most divisive questions in digital parenting is whether to read your child’s text messages. Some are adamantly against it, believing it to be a violation of privacy. On the other hand, some parents believe it to be essential to keeping their kid safer online.
In this blog post, we’ll give you the pros and cons of each side so you can decide for yourself which is right for your family. But spoiler alert: we also give you the best middle ground out there — monitoring with Bark!
Why Some Parents Read Their Child’s Texts
Safety — the number one priority
Knowing who your child is talking to (and about what) is one of the most important things a parent can do to help keep their child safe online and in real life. If a child is chatting with a strange adult, for instance, or being relentlessly bullied by a classmate — these are things that parents would want to know about.
Kids don’t always know when they’re in over their head
Depending on your child’s level of maturity, they may not when a friend crosses the line into bullying or abuse. Similarly with potential predators, as they can be master manipulators of young people. There are tons of situations where kids may need a trusted adult’s guidance in making sense of what they’re experiencing on the internet. Even things like scams and online phishing attempts can create trouble for a teen or tween.
You can keep an eye on your kid’s mental health
Unlike previous generations, kids today develop and maintain online relationships with peers that are just as important as any real-life friendship. Because of this, the things they talk about via text or DM can contain honest and vulnerable feelings about their mental health. If a child is texting about feeling hopeless or depressed, this is info that many parents feel they should know about so they can support them.
It can help keep kids accountable
If your child knows you're liable to ask for the phone at any given moment — and not give them a heads up before you do — they may be less likely to engage in any activities that may be inappropriate. This kind of random check-in can encourage them to stay mindful of their behavior and make better choices online.
Why Some Parents Choose Not To
Readings texts can erode trust
Some kids come to resent their parents for invading their privacy, likening it to reading their diary or journal. Even though a parent may have their kid’s best interests at heart, a child may feel like their parent doesn’t trust them enough or believes them incapable of navigating the internet on their own.
It doesn’t always give the right answer
Sometimes, reading texts only creates more questions and can confuse you more. You may be missing out on much needed context that happened in real life or another chat platform, for example. And as you’ve probably experienced first-hand, it can be really hard to discern tone online.
You may be discouraging autonomy
By reading your child’s texts and then jumping in to help address situations like bullying, you can deprive your child of learning how to navigate complex situations on their own. There’s a fine line of course between simple childhood dust-ups and dangerous interactions, but many times kids need to learn how to manage their relationships, especially as they approach adulthood.
Texts can be deleted
It can be hard to get what you need from a quick look at your child’s phone if they’re regularly deleting any potential hot-spots from their device. Many kids also know that there’s also a “recently deleted” folder where parents may look to check too, so those also can get deleted. Our recommendation if you're worried about this? A Bark Phone, which lets you choose whether your child can delete their texts.
The Best Middle Ground? Monitoring With Bark
So far, you’ve seen the pros and cons of reading your child’s text messages — it can be a lot to take in! If you’re still on the fence about how to monitor your child's texts, we suggest the best possible middle ground: using Bark.
Instead of grabbing your child’s phone and scrolling through their texts (or ignoring them altogether), you can let Bark scan the content of them. This way, you’ll only get alerts for potential dangers like bullying, suicidal ideation, and more. The alert will give you a little context so you can learn what’s going on, but you won’t get full access to everything. Your child stays safer, and you won’t have to dig through hundreds of memes, nonsense, and video game GIFs.
Plus, Bark’s also more than just monitoring. Whether you use the Bark Phone or download the Bark app, you’ll also get access to web blocking, screen time schedules, and 24/7 GPS-powered location tracking. Learn more about the Bark Phone here or start your free trial of the Bark app — you’ll see what a game-changer text monitoring is!
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Bark helps families manage and protect their children’s digital lives.
