Dear Titania,
I’m starting to realize that I have a pretty serious social media addiction on my phone. Instagram and Pinterest, mainly, but also Facebook — sometimes 3 to 4 hours a day. I need to get it under control, because I can’t teach my kids how to set healthy boundaries if I’m not doing it myself. Do you have any advice for tips and tricks that actually help get me off this addictive roller coaster?
Signed,
Relentlessly Refreshing Reels
Dear Relentlessly Refreshing Reels
First, I wanted to let you know that you are 100% not alone in your desire to get a handle on screen time. I feel it very acutely, and I’m sure that countless other parents do, too. Work, family, planning — it all makes it very, very hard to put your phone down for even short periods of time. Devices like smartwatches make it even harder, as they give us notifications that literally buzz our wrist if we happen to not be holding the phone.
I’ve gathered some tips that may help you out, but know that it’s an ongoing process. Social media is purposely designed to keep us addicted. Recently I even turned off TikTok notifications, but then they started sending emails about messages, which I then had to go turn off separately. These platforms all want our attention because it’s in their best interest via ad money — they make billions of dollars off our scrolling. These apps may be “free” but there’s a hidden cost that’s our time and health. But we owe it to ourselves and our family to try and limit their hold on us.
Turn off notifications where you can
Alerts are one of the most enticing parts of social media, and I’m also very familiar with the feeling of “I just HAVE to open up Instagram to see what so-and-so said.” Seeing that little red heart button absolutely lights up your dopamine receptors and keeps you chasing that same high, over and over again.
There are multiple ways you can limit these notifications. I’ve listed below four ways to do it, from least restrictive to the nuclear option. (Some people may not be able to do this last one at all times, of course). For these examples, I’m going to use Instagram on an iPhone as the baseline.
Mute particularly chatty chats in-app
Got a particularly active group chat on Instagram, for example? You can tap the chat name and press the “bell” button to mute the entire chat. This will prevent it from throwing out a notification every time someone else sends a link, asks a question, or replies to something. The best part? No one else will know that you’ve muted it.
Limit app notifications during certain times
Instagram lets you set custom schedules for when you receive notifications. Head in to your Instagram account and tap Notifications. You can then create a “sleep” mode and choose the hours you don’t want any alerts. And nope, it doesn’t have to be when you’re asleep — it can be any set of hours you don't want distraction.
Turn off alerts for entire apps
On iPhones, you can head into your settings and mute all notifications from an entire app wholesale. Just tap Settings, then Notifications, then scroll down and find Instagram, and toggle off “Allow Notifications.” Now you won’t get any to your home screen! When you open up Instagram, though, they’ll still be waiting for you — you just won’t see that enticing red number on the app button.
Put on focus mode for your entire phone
Apple provides different focus modes for your phone when you swipe down from the top of your home screen. You can choose Do Not Disturb, Sleep, Fitness, Personal, and Work. This is a great way to get rid of all distractions temporarily.
Download an app blocker
There are tons of apps out there you can download to help curb your social media addiction. Apple has Screen Time, and Google has Digital Wellbeing. But there are also third-party apps like AppBlock that do the same thing, too. The only issue with these is that they’re pretty easy to just ignore. I’ve heard of some people even going so far as to buy actual boxes and lock their phone in for periods of time. That gets tricky, of course, because accidents and emergencies do pop up, and you may want 24/7 instantaneous access to your phone.
Do some eye-opening math
Spending a couple of hours every day on your phone may seem like definitely the norm these days — and it probably is for most people! — but it doesn’t make it healthy. Even just 3 hours a day over the course of year adds up to (and prepare yourself for this) 45 full days on your phone. That’s enough to make you put it all in perspective.
Go grayscale
This one’s super interesting. You can enable “grayscale” on your phone under the Accessibility section to make all apps grayed out and less colorful/eyecatching. Apparently, the brilliance of our smartphones is what helps to keep us addicted, and using it with a black-and-white color scheme can make it dramatically less appealing. Definitely worth a shot!
Delete tempting apps entirely
I know, I know — deleting a beloved social media app is easier than said than done, especially if you use it to keep in touch with friends who may not be as active on other apps or even via text. Some folks even just delete their problem apps during the work day so they can at least concentrate on productivity during business hours.
I know all of this is hard, but you can do it. Even losing just a few minutes each day to start can result in full days regained in the long run. I struggle with screen time too, and I’ll keep you posted on my progress. You’ve got this!
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